Apologizing is often considered an ethical obligation, a responsibility, or simply the right thing to do. But we have gotten so accustomed to hearing, and giving, perfunctory apologies born out of a sense of obligation, or simply covering our a**, that it has dulled our collective sense of the meaning of an apology. Apologies that hold their power and value require at least three things: … Read Full Entry
This is the first in a series of posts on shame. In it I give a basic paradigm for understanding shame—a paradigm I will use in future posts to analyze both individual and group difficulties. A child is assaulted by a parent; the other parent looks away, dismisses, minimizes, or simply doesn’t see.[1] What happens psychologically? The assault needs to be addressed in the short … Read Full Entry
Bernice McFadden begins her powerful novel Glorious, “If Jack Johnson had let James Jeffries beat him on July 4, 1910, which would have proven once and for all that a white man was ten times better than a Negro, then black folk wouldn’t have been walking around with their backs straight and chests puffed out….”[i] Why is this important to those of us who value … Read Full Entry
This morning I read more, listened more, and watched more video about the murders and murderer in Newtown, Connecticut. There were many calls for improved mental health. I understand. We want answers. We want to prevent and protect. We want to throw our arms around those we love. We hope that psychology will help us with this hunger. However, I grew concerned as I witnessed … Read Full Entry
Someone murdered 26 people this morning. Someone killed 20 children, innocent children. In my process of reflection (psychological reflection) I couldn’t help but think that it was not just innocents that were assaulted but also, innocence itself; I couldn’t help but think that maybe our “innocence” needs a wake up call. While many say it is not time for philosophical or political discussion, I also … Read Full Entry
This is the last post in this series “Zen and the Art of Dieting.” It contains a modified transcript of a conversation I had with a client about her diet strategy. In it the client learns something about the answer to her diet koan—that even the simple logic of needing to apply more discipline to lose weight may be limited and faulty. If we listen … Read Full Entry